IT DOESN’T MATTER THE MESSAGE YOU SEND

Ever find yourself in situations where there are constant misunderstandings between you and other people?  In relationships that become strained? In situations where you often find yourself misunderstood?   In conversations that seem to start out OK and then seem to turn bad?  In circumstances where you asked someone to do something and what they came back with was nowhere near what you thought you asked for?  If so, this may be the reason.  It is felt by many that when they are the “sender” of a message their job is finished and done well when they have communicated their message in what they thought was a clear and concise way.  Many don’t give thought to how their message is received—that’s the listener’s job.  Wrong!  The purpose of communication is to “create understanding.”  Each of us needs to take 100% responsibility, whether we are the sender or receiver, to make sure that a message is completely and equally understood.  We all have filters and paradigms from many different sources that color and sift what we hear.  As a result, the message we hear may not be exactly what the other person actually sent.  If we want to improve and maintain the highest level of personal and professional relationships make sure you find out if the message you sent is the same message they received—it will save you a lot of heartache latter.

A Purpose-Decisive Life™

How decisive are you?

 According to the dictionary “decisive” can mean:

1. Determining or having the power to determine an outcome; (“cast the decisive vote”; “two factors had a decisive influence”)
2. Unmistakable; (“had a decisive lead in the polls”)
3. Characterized by decision and firmness; (“an able and decisive young woman”; “we needed decisive leadership”; “she gave him a decisive answer”)
4. Beyond doubt; unmistakable;
5. Able to make definite decisions.

Just how decisive are you in your life?  You and I make decisions one of four (4) ways: 1) by default; 2) by accident; 3) by reaction; or 4) by intention.  How many decisions do you allow others to make for you?  How many times do you procrastinate so long in making a decision that it sorta makes itself?  How many times do you react to a situation and make a snap or emotional decision?  If you answered at least one (1) to at least one (1) of these questions here’s what you are doing—you are giving control of yourself, your life and your future over to someone or something else! 

I’ll bet that when you are in a decision-making situation you don’t say to yourself, “OK, it’s time to let someone else control me now.”  Right?  When you are not living a Purpose-Decisive Life™ that is exactly what you are doing.  If you want to be the one to determine what your life is like and is going to be, decide what you want and go get it.

You and I make hundreds of decisions every day—some small, like, what am I going to eat for dinner and some rather large, like, should I take this new job or should I move to another state.  There is a way—a tool—to help you be decisive and confident about your decisions.  It is a simple tool that, when used, will give you the assurance that the choice you make is the right one.  No more doubt.  No more nagging voice in your head asking whether that was really the right thing to do.  No more indecision and waffling back and forth with all the emotion that goes with it.  Just peace and resolve.

We call this tool the “Double Triangle.”   It is a series of very simple questions that cause you to stop and think about what you want to do.  They cause you to step back, remove the emotion from the situation and look at things from a systematic and logical point of view.  The “Double Triangle” will also help you anticipate potential outcomes for each possible option that may occur.  You then can make some plans on how you are going to handle things when, and if, they do.      

Here is how it works—inside triangle first.  Ask yourself and then answer, “What” do I want to do?  Then, “Why” do I want to do that?  The answer to this question is the most important of them all.  If you don’t have an answer to the “why” question, you shouldn’t do what you want to do!  If you don’t have an answer to the “why” question, the decision you are thinking about making is a reactionary one—even though you are taking time to make it.  You will be giving control over this decision, over you and over your life to something or someone else.  Don’t do it!  You will regret it sometime later down the road!

After you answer the “why” question, you then ask, “How” am I going to do it?  Once you determine specifically “how” you are going to do your “what”, you ask the second triangle questions.  “What” could happen if I do that?  “Why” would that happen?  “How” am I going to deal with it if it does happen?  You then do the second, outer triangle for each possible scenario.

Try it!  Stop right now, think of a decision you have to make and go through the Double Triangle.  “What” do I want to do?  “Why” do I want to do it?  “How” am I going to do it?  “What” could happen if I do that?  “Why” would it happen?  “How am I going to deal with it if it does happen?

How did you do?  How did it feel?  Do you feel you can be more decisive in making that decision?  All of our Members tell us that this tool has made a world of difference in their lives.  It can for you, too.  It does take some practice in the beginning, just like any skill.  The more you do it, the better and faster you get at it.

You can live a purpose-decisive life™.  You can have the power to determine your own outcomes.  You can live a life with more confidence and peace.  You can know that the decisions you make are the right ones.

Enjoy this tool and use it often.  If you like it and it helps, there is more where that came from.  The Intentional Life™ program gives you the tool for gaining control in every aspect of your life.  Come ask about the myriad of benefits of living The Intentional Life™.  Contact Joe at www.intentionalachievements.com for more info.

“REACTION IS OUT OF CONTROL AND RESPONSE IS IN CONTROL.”

It never ceases to amaze me how fantastic it is when a person comes to terms with the meaning and difference between reaction and response. Their whole perspective changes for the better and so does their life.  All of us make hundreds of choices and decisions every day.  Would it surprise to learn that more than 95% of those choices and decisions are made out of reaction—and out of control?  Let me give you our definitions for reaction and response and then some examples of what we mean.  A “reaction” is an action taken, which is out of control, as a result of an outside stimulus. A “response” is an action taken, which is in control, as a result of an outside stimulus.  Let me explain.  Imagine you are on the phone with someone who starts yelling at you and calling you names that you don’t like.  You get upset and start yelling back at him.  At that moment, who is in control of you and that conversation?  He is!  You just “reacted” to him and gave him control of your life and communications—for as long as you allow it to be that way.  Let’s say you are having a discussion with your child who begins to annoy you and “push your buttons.”  You “react” by getting upset and showing it verbally and non-verbally—however you do that.  Are you in control at that point?  NO—your child is!  As an aside, that’s why they do it—so they can get that kind of “reaction” from you.  I used to do it to my mom all the time.  When you are cut off while driving on the highway by someone and you yell at them and wave with less than all of your fingers, you just “reacted” and gave control of your life to someone you don’t like, respect or admire for what they did.  These are just three very obvious examples of reactionary decisions you and I make every day—in every area of our lives.  The first step to changing this behavior and buying back control is to become aware we are doing it.  Start to identify times you tend to react and catch yourself.  Stop yourself and think of what you should do in that situation that might bring about a better result.  Business leaders make reactionary decisions all the time.  These kinds of decisions and choices then cause problems somewhere else in the organization which then have to be looked at and fixed.  Most leaders then make another reactionary decision to fix that problem causing a chain reaction of fire-fighting and frustration.  When we learn this all-important lesson, we find ourselves enjoying more time and peace with less stress and frustration.

Intentional Success!

So what does “intentional” mean? Being intentional means that we’ve designed and planned a course of action to follow and deliberately followed it. So an intentional life is designing and planning out the kind of life that we want to have, working that plan and doing everything we do with a purpose and on purpose—including the decisions we make every day. You and I make decisions in one of four ways; by Œdefault, which means either we don’t make it and therefore we make it, or someone else makes it for us; by accident; by Žreaction; or by intention. So, one part of intentional living is to make decisions with a purpose and on purpose not by accident, not reacting, and not by giving control over to somebody else.

 On the grander scale living an intentional life means that we’ve found our overall purpose in life and that we are living it to the fullest every day.  Each of the things we do is intentionally designed to help us fulfill that purpose and enjoy an empowered, fulfilling and joyful life.